Cullen Cars
by CourtneyHale
Summary: Let's rewind. Before Edward met Bella, the Cullens bought their cars. What happened? Are car salesmen too slippery for even this vampric family to catch? ; ON HIATUS, for a little while.
1. Carlisle

**CPOV-PreTwilight:**

I stood admiring the new Mercedes Benz S-Class range. I had decided that our upcoming move to Forks, Washington deserved a new car.

Although money was no object, I wasn't about to max out on a completely outrageous and flashy sportscar. It would be bad enough that we had bought a very large and expensive house on the outerskirts of the small town - our family was sure to be hot gossip already.

Of course it wasn't as if we wouldn't have caused gossip if we had been living in cardboard boxes. Most humans viewed us as physically beautiful and appealing which caused enough attraction, without flaunting our wealth as well.

Eventually, my presence had been noted and the overly-eager salesman descended. 'Interested in the new Mercedes, sir,' he said, not really bothering to differentiate whether he meant it as a statement or question.

I sighed softly and put on my 'persuasive vampire' face. I wanted some good extras and a great deal on this car.

--

I laughed freely as I floored my new car. A small pause and the five-speed gearbox kicked in and the supercharger spoolled. This was the life, I thought giddily. The speedometer arched gracefully past 140 mph.

I started to understand why my boys liked their cars so much. The speed was exhilirating and it had been too easy to get a good deal from the young salesman. I had got two thousand dollars off the price, the finest leather seats at no extra cost and an engine uprgrade. I had no doubt that Rosalie would want to give the engine a bigger boost, not that I had a problem with that, I thought with a grin.

--

'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! The Mercedes S55 AMG!!' Rosalie squealed as she flew out of our house. She looked just like Alice in the midst of a shopping sale, I thought and Edward, walking out of the house at a much slower pace, smirked. Rose had already pulled up the bonnet and was mumbling something about a effeciency capacitron or something.

Edward joined me by the driver's seat, 'Not bad, Carlisle. How did you go?' As if he couldn't tell, the massive grin stretched across my face gave it all away.

'Good, I think. Two thousand off the price, the leather interior and an engine upgrade,' I said gesturing to the inside of the car and the engine.

'Engine upgrade? Psssh, I'm going to get this baby running up to 180 mph, at least!' Rose called from somewhere within the engine triumphantly.

--

Esmé and I had decided to drive up to our new house in Forks a few days before school finished for the children. Esmé had wanted to oversee the renovations and I had an appointment with the CEO of the hospital, but we both desired the time alone.

Pulling out of our driveway and on to the highway, I grinned at Esmé as the car embraced the horsepower and the extra boost Rose had given it. Alice had 'seen' ahead and assured us that there were no policemen on the stretch of highway we were travelling that night. Both she and Edward had flinched when it seemed the vision extended to include some of the…activities that Esmé and I had planned during our time alone.

The trip should have taken at least the night but we made it in two hours. However it wasn't until the first rays of sunlight that we emerged from the car, hair ruffled and buttons mismatched. We giggled at the sight of each other and I reached down to give Esmé a kiss.

Most of the furniture had already been moved to our new house but was still covered in plastic or in boxes. We walked through the house, making mental notes of what needed to be done or bought. Finally we ended our tour in what was to become our new bedroom. Esmé looked up at me with a devilish glint in her eye and pulled me down to the plastic covered mattress.

Over the next three days, Esmé and I greatly enjoyed christening each room, nook and cranny of our new house. We guiltily looked at the mess we had created in the living room. The children were supposed to be arriving that afternoon.

--

It was lunchtime on the last day of school and I was bored. Not that I wasn't always bored but I was significantly more bored knowing that I had mere hours until I was free of this hell trap. I perused the thoughts of my siblings.

Emmett was wondering if we had time for one last hunt before we left for Forks. We were leaving this very night and wouldn't arrive until late this evening. It was a good idea, who knew how long it would be until our next hunt in Forks.

Rosalie was examining her nails and imagining that sometime during the drive that Emmett and her would make a synchronised stop for gas. She wondered whether it would be dark enough for them to… I cut off her thoughts there and shuddered. Couldn't they keep it in their pants for one night?

Jasper was now desperately trying to control himself as Rosalie continued to imagine the adventures she and Emmett would have tonight. He reached over and grabbed Alice's leg, squeezing tightly on her thigh. Poor Jasper, I knew Rose and Emmett's thoughts… It was getting too much for Jasper, I didn't want to imagine what was going on in Rosalie's head.

'Rosalie,' Jasper and I hissed under our breath at the same time. She looked up surprised and then scowled. Emmett watched our exchange and looked quizzically at Rose. She smiled and whispered in his ear their plans for tonight. This wouldn't help Jasper, now the lust was radiating from both of them. Luckily for him, they decided to cut lunch short and headed off somewhere, I didn't want to know.

Alice, who had been quite for most of lunch, suddenly groaned. 'Oh, Esmé! Not my wardrobe! Gross!'

I peeked in her head and left it just as quickly. Apparently, they were exploring the house, and each other. We all shuddered.

--

**A/N:** Okay so this took a bit of a different direction from what I hoped/was expecting. I hope you liked it, I'll be posting more soon. I know for cert that it'll only be a 8 or 9 chapter story! Any way, review - let me know what you think!

Courtney x


	2. Esme

**EdwardPOV:Pre-Twilight **(Okay, they just moved to Forks…)

I almost groaned when I saw what Esmé had planned for our day when I saw it in Alice's mind. Of course Alice was bubbling with excitement; I decided to play along. Better not ruin my reputation of prodigal son, I thought to myself darkly.

I had my days where I could bear the love-filled looks and the gentle caress of lovers. And there were days when I could not. It looked like today would be one of those days.

It was hard living in a house where everyone was paired off, where they all had someone and I didn't. Love was just not on the cards for me, I had long ago decided. Not that I minded, I didn't really need such complications in my life, I reasoned. I didn't deserve love and love didn't deserve me.

I groaned to myself as I hauled myself from my couch where I had been listening to an undiscovered recording of Debussy. I switched off the stereo and wandered down to the lounge at a slow, human pace. Apparently too slow for Alice though, I thought as she ran at me with vampire speed and dragged me down the remaining stairs.

'Oh good, Alice and Edward you're already here,' Esmé said with a smile as she walked towards us from the kitchen. 'Jasper! Emmett! Rosalie! Can you come to the kitchen?' she called, in a general direction towards the rest of the house.

I listened for their mental voices. Jasper was outside, near the garage, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his skin. He had heard Esmé. _I wonder what Esmé wants now. I wonder if it had anything to do with why had been feeling so excited all morning_, he thought to himself. _If Esmé is excited, Alice must be ecstatic_, he chuckled.

Emmett was just returning from a run through the forest. He and Rosalie had had a fight earlier. It was nothing major, just the usual - Emmett's immaturity, Rosalie's lack of fun. I didn't know why, but Emmett always seemed to feel the need to bring back extravagant presents for Rosalie after they fought. The worst fight they ever had, resulted in her new BMW. Love was definitely too much work, I decided.

Emmett had heard Esmé as well. _I hope Esmé hasn't planned for us all to have some family bonding time. I was hoping for hot make-up sex with Rosalie all afternoon_, he said while blissfully imagining some of their previous encounters. I shuddered, I hope I don't have to deal with that all day. But he had heard Esmé and he was coming to see what she wanted.

Rosalie was upstairs and she had heard Esmé too. She was feeling a bit guilty for fighting with Emmett and she was upset that they weren't near each other, she just wanted to be close to him, to touch him. I didn't have to be Jasper to know that she was feeling an intense longing; I could hear it in her mental voice.

And it affected me. Suddenly, I was feeling a longing of my own. A longing for the partner, lover, best friend I had never had. I felt loss for what I had never had. It was almost ironic that Rose had been the cause of this, but I had never felt so on par with her, we both longed. But she was lucky. Emmett would forgive and forget, go on to love her another day. I had no one.

Just then Jasper walked in the front door, staring at me, unabashedly with a bewildered expression written across his features. I scowled and focused on Esmé, but her thoughts were full of Carlisle, wondering where he was, he needed to be here, she wanted him by her side… I couldn't be in her thoughts either! I could feel the longing returning.

I spun around to face Jasper. Help me, I pleaded. I couldn't be here. In this house. With this loss.

Jasper's thoughts were worried for me. _What's wrong man? It's like you channelled what Rosalie was feeling…except you made it a hundred times worse for yourself…how did you do that?_

I shook my head. I could see the desperation in my eyes, reflected in his own.

But he understood. The longing was numbed and I could feel excitement begin to bubble with me. I cracked a smile.

But Jasper's face was still worried. I nodded. He wanted to know. I would tell him later. When I knew.

--

I could feel the morning's depression returning as I sat in the back of Carlisle's Mercedes. Carlisle and Esmé were sitting up the front while Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were driving behind us in Rosalie's BMW.

We were headed to the major car dealership in Seattle. Esmé and Carlisle had decided that we needed a more low-key car. When we started our last stint in high school, Rosalie had somehow convinced them that her M3 BMW wouldn't be out of place. It would be an understatement to say that her car stood out. Not that she had minded, but even she was little grossed out when some guy licked her car.

So this time we were off to buy a family car that we could all ride in for school trips. Esmé had started to get excited when she explained that it would be best if we posed as a middle income family buying a new family car.

Although we had complained that a middle income family wouldn't be able to afford a fast enough car, we couldn't deny Esmé the chance to play the 'Mom'. In a shared glance before we left we had decided to make the most out of this experience, for Esmé's sake.

--

We had all agreed with Rosalie when she had suggested that we start at the Volvo dealership. Alice tried to suggest that we head out of the country, but no one was buying that.

A middle income family wouldn't really rock up to buy a new car if they were all ready driving a Mercedes and a BMW, thought Jasper.

'Carlisle, keep driving. You'll have to park around the corner,' I said passing on Jasper's idea.

As we walked toward the dealership, a young saleswoman popped out from behind one of the cars.

'Surprise!' she cried as she jumped out.

_What the Carlisle?!_ was the synonymous thought from my parents and siblings.

'Surprised? Yeah, I was too when I saw the price on this little baby,' she said, slapping her hand down on the car's trunk.

Still none of us could form a coherent thought.

Finally, Esmé managed to force out a fake giggle. She shot Carlisle a death glare and he let out a chuckle that sounded like a cat coughing up a hairball. But it seemed to work for the saleswoman, she beamed at Esmé like she was a demi-god.

'Hiiiii, I'm Esmé Cullen,' Esmé said. Her face was a bright smile but her teeth were audibly grinding together. However, the woman was unfazed. Audible to vampires, I corrected myself.

'Howdy Es-ah-MAY! I'm Sandy!' she cried with a shrill and piercing voice. We all took a hesitant half-step back and covered our ears protectively.

'Are ya lookin' for a car-y, car, car today Es-ah-MAY?'

'No, we're looking for Atlantis,' Rosalie said sarcastically at vampire speed.

Sandy's smile froze as we all laughed at the joke she couldn't hear, before growing at an exponential rate. She looked at us all, still beaming from ear to ear.

Esmé nodded, still with a small smile on her face, 'Yes, we need a new family car. We can't afford anything fancy. We were thinking about the Volvo.'

'Great diddly doos! You've sure come to the right place then Es-ah-MAY!' came the shrill cheer from Sandy and with a hop and a jump she marched off towards the Volvo.

Esmé shot us all a glare and hissed, 'Any smart talk and you'll be ashes before you can say diddly doos.' That didn't help our case of the giggles.

--

Sandy was enthusiastically showing us the 'ter-ter-riffic!' features of the Volvo when Jasper called me from his mind. His mouth upturned slightly as he ran through the plan in his head. I nodded my head, but made it look like I was scratching behind my ear. Luckily Esmé was too busy focusing on not slapping Sandy to notice.

Suddenly, Alice blanked out and just as quickly refocused her widening eyes on Jasper with an, 'oh'. Esmé turned sharply around to see what was going on but all she saw was Jasper and Alice engaging in a passionate kiss.

'Alice! Keep it in your pants!' she hissed at vampire speed.

'Esmé! It wasn't me…Jasper…' she spoke back innocently, just as rapidly. Esmé just glared at her and turned back to Sandy who was explaining the adjustable seats.

I nodded my head slightly towards Jasper, it was time. Carlisle, who was inspecting the tint on the windows (he was actually just trying to get as far away from Sandy as possible but had to remain close so he didn't get in trouble with Esmé) called out.

'Esmé! Get over here and check out the tint on these windows! We could drive though California and not so much as shimmer!' Carlisle called.

Esmé's eyes widened. Carlisle could expose them with comments like that!

Luckily, it appeared Sandy was still too immersed in demonstrating the reclining passenger seat to pick up on Carlisle's comment.

Esmé strolled quickly over to Carlisle and dragged him back to Sandy. She held his arm in a vice grip. 'Sandy, I think we've definitely decided on this Volvo!' she said lightly.

Jasper nodded his head, in agreement. Or so Esmé thought. Really, it was time for phase two.

As soon as the words sunk in to Sandy, she was filled with disappointment. But why? She'd just sold a car! There was so much that she had wanted to show them!

'But…but…Ezzy,' she whimpered, 'I haven't shown you the…trunk!'

I gasped as violent scenes involving Sandy flickered through my mind. I widened my eyes at Esmé and she pulled her lips back, emitting a fierce growl. But too quickly for Sandy to notice. She looked suitably surprised and rubbed her stomach.

'Sorry, it's nearly time for lunch I guess!' she said sheepishly.

Esmé smiled sympathetically, as if she knew the sensation Sandy talked about, when in fact she hadn't felt hungry for over 90 years. None of us had.

'Now, where were we? Ah, that's right! The trunk!' Sandy recovered eagerly. Esmé tried to speak but Sandy had already marched off to the rear of the car.

But Esmé had had enough.

'Come on, we're leaving,' she hissed through her teeth at vampire speed, 'We'll find another dealership. We'll find another car. Anywhere but here!'

I've never seen her so angry, I thought with a snicker. It probably doesn't help that Jasper's only fueling her anger and making her furious!

_And now for the final phase_, thought Jasper. _Something to tip her right over the edge_.

'But Esmé! I was having so much fun here! And Sandy's just about to show us the trunk! It pops right open when you lift the lever at the driver's seat!' whined Carlisle. 'Look at that technology, we never had anything like that when I was a boy!' he exclaimed. How true that was!

--

Carlisle returned alone the next day, tail between his legs after a severe talking to from Esmé. A long explanation of the intricate workings of the Volvo delivered by Sandy's equally annoying brother Randy was his punishment.

As for Jasper and I, let's just say it wasn't pretty. What Esmé had planned for Sandy, didn't even come close to what she planned for us. It definitely wasn't pretty.

--

**Authors Note:** So the moral of the story is, when your stomach growls…maybe there's actually a vampire around…;)

Okay not some of my best work, but it's just the adjustment phase I'm going through after I returned to school! At least I hope it is. Lol

I know lots of people have been reading this, all I ask is that you leave a small review or alert. Please! Let me know how you feel! :D Thanks for reading!

Next chapter - Rosalie, up soon!


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